From what I understand, this is from several years ago. But, MOST. AWESOME. EVER.
While Sarah Palin and the brethren at Fox News valiantly carry on The War Against The War On Christmas, they somehow missed the death of Thanksgiving, which was itself – ironically – murdered by Christmas. Perhaps that’s unfair since it’s not “Christmas” per se that killed Thanksgiving, but rather the corporate blindness to everything but profit and the perception that crashing the holiday would somehow give an edge to businesses that open on Thanksgiving. One wonders how anyone gains an edge when everyone follows the herd to open on Thanksgiving, and I’m pretty sure that if all the stores remained closed on the holiday, their bottom lines for the season wouldn’t be any different. People would just wait for the stupid “Black Friday” crush instead of foregoing turkey and dressing for the joys of camping in a cold Wal-Mart parking lot.
One thing is for sure, though: the mindless consumers who packed the parking lots I passed yesterday have achieved on behalf of chain store owners something they would have never dreamed of achieving on their own. They’ve managed to make shitty, low-wage jobs with unpredictable schedules even shittier, by taking away one of the only TWO days out of the 365 in the year that employees could predict with any certainty was a guaranteed day off. Really, Staples? An office supply store needs to be open on Thanksgiving?
Next up: Wal-Mart seeks to cash in on after-holiday sales by opening at midnight on Christmas Day, and within 20 years Christmas is just another day where people fortunate enough to have fairly decent jobs go shopping, while for the poor schlubs who work at these places it’s just another work day.
This year, I am thankful that I do not work for rapacious fucks who can’t stand the thought of two whole days per year when they aren’t raking in money and lording their power over their wage slaves. And, as always, I’m thankful for family and friends, among them Eartha Kitty, seen in the photos below trying to indulge her fetish for celery. If I had gotten a shot off just a few seconds earlier, it would show her trying to climb into the bag of whole celery. Instead she decided to vulture over the celery I was working on chopping for the dressing and bless it with a few cat hairs. Thanks a lot, kitty. Though to be fair, I should have taken precautions before I started chopping – the thing with the celery is nothing new. The first time I brought some home after Eartha moved in, she tried to climb in the grocery bag to get at it. There’s something about the smell that has a semi-catnip effect for her.
Hope you had a nice holiday too.
It’s been a slow month here at 3ws; I’ve been busy and, since my cohorts abandoned the place long ago (Lyta because blogging, she says, isn’t really her thing, and Beth because she can no longer afford to be associated online with someone like me who isn’t generally polite and uses really bad language – and who can blame her?), I’ve been a bit lax with posting. But I couldn’t let the whole holiday season get by without at least one post, so below you’ll find a David Sedaris reading of 6 to 8 Black Men, which is his take on Christmas in the Netherlands. It’s a long piece in 3 parts but thoroughly enjoyable, so I recommend clicking through to parts 2 and 3, which you’ll find below, when you’ve finished this one.
Just a word about the opening, though: it concerns something that is now, sadly, topical to recent events, while at the same time highlighting some of the insanities of US gun laws. I hadn’t remembered the story opening with this until I went to grab it for posting. I’ll be putting up something else about the insanities of US gun laws later, but didn’t want that bit to come as a shock to anyone still feeling, as I am, a bit raw over what happened last Friday in Connecticut.
That having been said, enjoy the story.
…without a little Gunther.
First, the good. I’ve always loved this one because…Eartha Kitt, what’s not to love? She went on to play Cat Woman and I have a pet named after her. This one is kind of the ultimate Christmas gold digger’s anthem and plenty sexually suggestive without being all whiny soul about it, but it retains its charm almost 60 years later:
The following is bad as in “not nice”, but it’s one of my favorite Christmas recordings, one that you don’t hear on the radio these days, probably because we’re all getting old and YOU DAMN KIDS GET OFFA MY LAWN!!! Anyway, since it’s not a regular radio feature anymore, I looked it up on the youtube, so here it is:
This next one isn’t ugly itself but the song it covers is. It’s ripping on the worst Christmas song of all time, which I covered in some great detail last year. I didn’t know this bit existed then, so it’s a relief to know that others hate that song every bit as much as I do:
Trivia about the topic of that last video – they actually made that shitty song into a made-for-TV-movie (I posted a clip of it last year – !Rob Lowe!) and it was the second-highest-rated TV movie of 2002, proving that A Very Brady Christmas‘ ratings coup in 1988 was no fluke and that we are indeed a decadent and dying culture.
Continuing on the theme of tacky holiday decorations, you can have this misshapen Jesus for the low, low price of only $1,412.95!