Christmas Wishes Do Come True
Our Lady of Perpetual Butthurt, Sarah Palin, resurfaced the other day shooting word salad all over the airwaves via Fox News, ostensibly because she has a timely new ghost-written book out about how all the nasty liberals killed Christmas by impaling the baby Jesus on a Christmas tree.
Or something. Frankly, it’s hard to interpret what she says any time words fall out of her mouth, even if you care. And of course, not only do I not care, I wasn’t even paying attention, because I was too focused in on “what the fuck has Sarah Palin done to her face?”
For several years now, I have wished aloud that Sarah Palin would stay in the public eye just long enough to be tempted into unfortunate plastic surgery. I had faith that the day would arrive sooner rather than later after her Big Gulp performance last year, in which she was unable to move her upper lip thanks to overdoing the botox; in the photos from that event the paralysis makes her look positively deranged. Stupid, at the very least. Take a look at where she is now:
Oh, goody! I never thought she would go immediately to the drag queen brow lift, but she has! And she’s paired it with a 70s style wig.
Now, I’ve taken a little heat for pointing out that she’s starting to look really bad thanks to all this ill-advised “work,” particularly from the more sensitive souls who frequent the Balloon Juice blog. In principle, I agree that commenting on a person’s looks is non productive and unfair. But that’s because most people haven’t, for the most part, chosen what they look like. What about someone who looks ridiculous because they chose to have surgery, or because of what they’ve chosen to wear? Not the same thing, say I. The entire genesis of my wish regarding Palin was in fact the idea that it would be nice if the outside better reflected what’s on the inside. She’s accomplished that with this brow lift – it gives her a harsh, mean look. You can easily picture her as a Disney villainess. Caribou Cruella, if you will.
But quicker minds than my own have been on the case. Bob Cesca thought the new and improved face of Sarah Palin looked an awful lot like someone else, and I have to agree:
The difference is, Rob Lowe’s look was achieved with prosthetics and makeup; he’s not stuck with that face.
If she keeps going at the current rate, Sarah Palin will be the next Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers 5 years from now; if she wants to continue grifting gullible middle-aged-to-old white men, she doesn’t have much choice other than to continue to try to look several decades younger than she is. Because once they stop looking at the packaging, there will be no escaping that there’s nothing of value in the package.
Much like the ancient Chinese curse, “may you live in interesting times,” it’s hard to imagine a more karmic, fitting fate for Sarah Palin than the one dictated by the path she chose.