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Comments Out of Context

Finally, back on schedule with these, despite a quite hectic week.  I attribute the timely posting to the high volume of top-notch snark posted in a variety of places this past week.  For your reading (and WTF?) pleasure:

N__B said,

July 26, 2010 at 16:49

Beatings don’t kill people. Massive internal hemorrhages kill people.

Sadly, No!, July 26, 2010

herr doktor bimler

I HAVE HERE IN MY HAND 
 
See, Dick jokes even without demand!

alicublog, 7/26/10

77south said,

July 26, 2010 at 21:30

The university chancellor actually sends out mass e-mails to the whole campus in Comic Sans.

Clown College?

The faculty and staff of the Yoknapatawpha County Community Clown College is not laughing.

My alma mater is so maligned.

Sadly, No!, 7/26/10

Smut Clyde said,

July 27, 2010 at 7:11

…If the only tool you have is a rodent-shaped novelty vibrator then everything looks like a ratfuck.

Sadly, No!, 7/27/10

tsam said,

July 27, 2010 at 17:20

Oh. I thought the answer was “We don’t give a fuck because Jesus will come back before everything runs out anyway.”

He’s gonna be pissed that we fucked up his rental property.

Sadly, No!, 7/27/10

gorillagogo

Kurtz has described “conversion from liberal to conservative politics” as “the ultimate aphrodisiac 
 
I’m of the opinion that no matter how obscure your fetish is, there’s a porn site out there specializing in it. It appears Kurtz found the exception to that rule.

alicublog, 7/27/10

cobbler

Cause if it ain’t his fantasy it’s perversion.

alicublog, 7/27/10

Doghouse Riley

Their infatuation with hip hop is a sign of Europe’s broader failure to assimilate Muslim immigrants to mature democratic mores, again because of a multiculturalist sensibility 
 
Yeah, it really is time we put an end to European multiculturalism.  
 
By the way, what does he suppose Muslim immigrant youth would be doing otherwise? Yodeling? 

alicublog, 7/27/10

Willy said,

July 28, 2010 at 1:30

Some ladies prefer their men serif, while others prefer sans serif.

No one speaks of the serif holocaust.

Sadly, No!, 7/27/10

Mark D said,

July 29, 2010 at 23:07

If the market wants patients to have Bibles, the Invisible Hand will supply them.

The Invisible Hand is too busy giving out what everyone thinks are prostate exams, followed by a slap to the face …

… and it doesn’t even take the latex glove off first.

Sadly, No!, 7/29/10

Whale Chowder said,

July 30, 2010 at 1:35

The humorless dildos leave no room for scripture.

When you think about it, there is probably no more humorless dildo than one made out of scripture.

Sadly, No!, 7/29/10

Angry Geometer said,

July 30, 2010 at 16:11

Oh Big dicked guys, we’re sorry. We’ve committed the sin of envy, the sin of covetousness, and the sin of staring. We have believed the lie and claimed size doesn’t matter.

Sorry, I’m still taking my talents to South Beach. Buttsecks is a team sport, and I need to be surrounded by teammates that can play at my level if I ever wanna win a National Buttsecks Association cockring. Guys who won’t be afraid to play around the rim. Guys who can take it to the hole. Guys not nicknamed “Boobie”, basically.

And have you seen Florida? The whole state looks like a giant penis. It’s very comforting for a man of my, how shall we say, giant penis havingness.

Sadly, No!, 7/30/10

DocAmazing

Any time you your feelings are determined by a sperm donor failing to meet your expectations, you are most definitely doing something wrong. 

A fair portion of my professional life has been a sequence of jack-offs not making me happy, so I guess I can sympathize.

alicublog, 7/30/10

calling all toasters Says:

July 31, 2010 at 6:07 am

Nobody’s going to watch a movie about a dead teenage narcissist who doesn’t bite hot chicks on the neck. You should probably add some ten-penny fangs to your masterpiece.
Maybe a moustache too.

The Poor Man Institute, 7/31/10

Smut Clyde said,

August 2, 2010 at 0:19

Liberals love to go down the subjunctive mood route

It’s a bit longer but it doesn’t actually take any more time, and the scenery is better.

Sadly, No!, 8/1/10

A hearty thanks to all of this week’s contestants.  Keep them coming!

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  1. August 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    OT: Jennifer, how does a PTA get one of your new fundraising catalog?

    • jennofark
      August 1, 2010 at 11:41 pm

      Well, bro, I would email you a pdf copy but you don’t have a contact address on your blog! Though now that I think about it, neither do we. (And BTW, dude, you need a spam filter for comments over there.) Email me your email address at malcontented at comcast dot net and I can send you the pdf. Or email your snail mail address and I can snail mail it.

  2. August 2, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Congrats on a good launch! Your catalog sounds great. And, yes, I know I don’t add much to S,N! – no use to scuff it up with less-than-incisive snark. The bar is set very high – and I like it that way! I’d rather read what you, T&U and VS have to say. But it was awesome to meet DA and the panel he was on was very interesting. I was SO flattered to get a shout-out. I have been in the midst of a cat-and-mouse game with the mortgage company who wants to steal our house for the last year and a half, so all my emotional energy has gone to just getting through each day, and my writing has suffered drastically. But I still lurk!

  3. jennofark
    August 2, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Welcome back, Alicia!

    Sorry to hear about the suxxor mortgage company – don’t let the bastids wear you down. Also, too w/r/t “not adding much to S,N!” there’s nothing wrong with lurking – I do it sometimes myself. As for the writing abilities not being up to snuff, I’ll just say: one of us is a published author and one of us is not. At least you’re not so bound by penis and poop jokes that you can’t put together a full-length book!

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. When the online store is up, I’ll post the addy over at S,N!

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