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Comments Out of Context

Again, several days late this week because Comcast is teh SUXXOR and I’ve not had internet access since Monday.  I had already begun researching non-DSL alternatives to cable access (because if there’s anyone I hate MORE than Comcast, it would have to be the local phone company – who, last time I checked, forced you to have landline phone service in order to get DSL – fat chance!) by the time the guy showed up today and fixed it.  How much do I hate Comcast?  So much that, after 11 days without cable TV way back in 2001, I dumped them and went with DirecTV.  I still have the satellite, because when I upgraded to high-speed internet 5 or 6 years ago, my loathing for Comcast TV “service” remained undiminished.  So now I’ve got both – cable for internet and satellite for TV, plus Vonage for the home phone line, which is less expensive for the package of channels I’ve got than it would be to hand the whole shebang over to Comcast.  Not to mention that if I handed it all over to Comcast, I would also have the joy of not being able to watch TV when my internet goes out.  When I switch the phone over to MagicJack it will become quite a bit less expensive than not only the Comcast bundle, but what I have now as well.  My issue with Comcast this time was the same as it was when I fired them back in 2001 – when you call up with a service issue, THEY LIE TO YOU.  Not just on the first call, but on the subsequent ones as well.  The bottom line is, Comcast really doesn’t give two shits whether the service you pay them to provide works or not.

Having said all of that, if anyone reading has any insight on what other options (besides cable or DSL) with similar speed might be on the horizon at similar cost, fill me in.  I tried doing a little research from the browser on my Blackberry while my cable was out, but have to admit I was entirely flummoxed by it all.  Fucking WiFi – how does it work?  I considered a mobile internet card – but if that’s as slow as the 3G service on the Blackberry, that’s not going to cut it. 

So for now, I remain captive to Comcast.  If anyone out there knows of a better solution – or a brighter new day that will allow me to cut the connection to ANY provider with a landline or cable – let me know.  I’d be happy to ditch the home phone if it would allow me to cut the cord with both the cable company AND the phone company – easy to do with an unlimited cell plan.  I’m a geek about a lot of things, but this stuff is not my forte.

That aside, here’s our latest comments out of context – some real doozies this week!

R. Porrofatto

I love the executive member packages. Who knew that wealthy people were suckers for the Franklin Mint. 
 
Some more titles for Citizen Producers to finance: 
 
A Kajillion Angry Men 
Saving Private Enterprise 
Ron & Nancy 
The African Heterosexual 
Citizen Gates 
Just a Few of the President’s Men 
Do the White Thing

alicublog, 7/7/10

 montag

My goodness, this is a rich vein, worth mining: 
 
An Exclusive Place in the Sun 
Miracle on Wall Street 
To Have and Have More 
Beautiful Winners 
What’s Eating Warren Buffett? 
Forrest Pump-and-Dump 
Good Dick Cheney 
From Here to Solvency 
Mr. Smith Lobbies Washington 
Five Easy Leases 
The Trial of Billy Clinton 
For Whom the Opening Bell Tolls 
The Bondholder Redemption 
… And Justice for Some

alicublog, 7/7/10

 whetstone

They promise films without… “greedy businessmen” 
 
I’m rooting for It’s A Productive Life, which finally gives maligned Mr. Potter his due; he was just trying to stop all that shit that went down with Fannie Mae.

alicublog, 7/7/10

 Rusty Shackleford said,

July 8, 2010 at 16:00

Thus, not only is it legal for gay people to get married in California, but while the state won’t call their unions marriage, it still confers a great number of benefits on the partners.

Likewise, while a convicted felon may not possess a firearm, he may obtain a great number of the benefits of one by pointing his finger at people and shouting “bang, bang.”

Sadly, No!, 7/8/10

Substance McGravitas said,

July 10, 2010 at 0:08

If the Earth Stood Still

Also if my ass shot radioactive fire I would rob Fort Knox and make everybody walk on their hands.

Sadly, No!, 7/9/10

 KWillow said,

July 10, 2010 at 21:21

I bet Obama has a whole stable of killer monkeys, ready and eager to fly into the Senate and rip toupees off Senator’s heads and … no, I suppose he doesnt’. Damm.

I wish I had a flying killer monkey.

Sadly, No!, 7/10/10

Some guy said,

July 11, 2010 at 2:41

[On Morocco’s contribution to the Iraq War]
George W. Bush: Then of course there was Morocco, who pledged to send 2,000 monkeys to detonate land mines and perform at children’s parties. Then there seemed to be some question as to whether or not Morocco had the monkeys, and I said, “Regardless of whether they have them or not, that sounds cool as shit and I want that.” A special unit of 2,000 trained monkeys that we can send anywhere in the world to fight evil and make children laugh? Duh! Despite vigorous protests from my Cabinet, I put into motion Operation Primate Speargun. For one year, a special unit of 2,000 wild monkeys trained side by side with the 82nd Airborne down at Fort Bragg in total secrecy. In order to ensure a maximum covert operation, most of the training was done at night. I was heavily invested in the unit, so I’d often fly down to participate in field exercises, and one of the things I noticed during the exercises was that many of the monkeys would simply run off into the woods, randomly shooting their spearguns at each other or inanimate objects. So I asked my field commanders, I said, “How often had this been happening?” And they said that this type of thing had happened every single time. So then I asked a tough question, “Why do you think it’s happening?” The Major said that his guess was because they were wild monkeys, and that they as soldiers didn’t have the proper training to work with them. So I looked at ‘em right in the eye, and I said, “But we’re gonna get there, right?” He said, “I doubt it, Sir.” I said, “Well, hold on, let me ask you this. Are they at least entertaining the children?” He said he’d have no idea of knowing, but that his guess would be no, considering it was a top secret operation and no one knew the monkeys were there, especially the children. At the end of exercises, all but forty monkeys had run off into the North Carolina woods. Speargun attacks along the I-95 corridor have increased 1,000 percent in that time. So let me just tell you this: if you’re planning a car trip down to Disney World, don’t stop at the rest stops, okay? ‘Cause there’s a 50-50 chance a malnourished monkey is gonna pop up out of a toilet, shoot you in the face with a speargun.”

Sadly, No!, 7/10/10

 noen said,

July 12, 2010 at 0:11

“liberal boys don’t know how to please women like conservatives do.”

Yeah but liberal boys don’t generally have to shave their backs either. Well, I don’t know, I guess it gives you something to hang onto I suppose or… muffle the screams. So there’s that.

Sadly, No!, 7/11/10

 Hunger Tallest Palin

Why don’t minorities appreciate how hard conservatives are working for them? 
 
The beatings will continue until morale improves.

alicublog, 7/11/10

A job well done by one and all.  Thanks as always to this week’s Bringers of the Lulz.

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  1. B^4
    July 14, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Why don’t minorities appreciate how hard conservatives are working for them?

    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

    If they had hired a black commenter for the panel, they’d have had less to talk about.

  2. dbcooper
    July 15, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Jenn:

    I’ve been in cable and telephone for 38 years; where in Arkansas do you reside (city)?

    Maybe I can help you sort through the options, if any….

    Pete

    • jennofark
      July 15, 2010 at 9:08 pm

      I’m in Little Rock…actually I did a search last night, and it looks like I could go wireless with Aristotle…but the connection speed was something like 560kbs which is not very fast, is it? Like I said, I’m totally a n00b when it comes to this stuff.

  3. July 15, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    We’ve gone from earthlink DSL to Time Warner to U-Verse….

    They all suck, in various ways. Actually, Earthlink was better than the others.

  4. TruculentandUnreliable
    July 16, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    Jenn, our DSL provider started providing service without a phone connection a couple of years ago…you might double-check. We don’t have a landline or cable, but who really needs either with cell phones and high-speed internet?

    Also, noen’s comment made me simultaneously laugh and gag at least three times this week.

    • jennofark
      July 16, 2010 at 8:17 pm

      Some guy’s story about W’s “operation primate speargun” makes me laugh every time I even think about it.

      Thanks for the info on the DSL…I’ll check into it.

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