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Comments Out of Context

Another roundup of winners from the past week:

Esteev said,

June 22, 2010 at 15:09

Not too long ago I was walking home minding my own business when, out of nowhere, I was slammed over the head with what I can only describe as a a fan blade — a big one! As I lay on my stomach, with blood slowly seeping from my head, my pockets got rifled through by a photovoltaic cell. The turbine kept one blade on me and one on the street, a lookout. After they had their way with me and started to run, I yelled “Oil wouldn’t do this!”, I could hear them laughing and the solar cell screamed back, “You’re right, oild would’ve KILLED you!”

FYWP

Sadly, No!, 6/22/10

 TruculentandUnreliable said,

June 22, 2010 at 22:05

Has anyone else ever seen two high school girls in Taz t-shirts fighting over a dude with a mullet and a twenty-year-old Trans Am? Because I have, and it looked a LOT like this.

Sadly, No!, 6/22/10

 Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

June 22, 2010 at 22:06

People who live in pancake houses shouldn’t throw scones!

Sadly, No!, 6/22/10

 Willy said,

June 23, 2010 at 13:21

In the months that followed Obama’s “election,” we saw literally trillions of dollars in “urgent” bailouts and stimulus packages, all of which brought us escalating unemployment and a skittish if not paranoid stock market.

“Perfection” in its “inverse” form. I like how effect brings about cause.

Sadly, No!, 6/23/10

 The Tragically Flip said,

June 23, 2010 at 14:35

We saw a nationally-loathed healthcare bill — gigantic in size and mysterious in content — rammed through Congress with bribes, threats, and intimidation.

Congress totally wanted it. Did you see that skimpy gavel she was carrying? And holding votes so late at night? Decent legislative chambers aren’t out so late, tempting legislators with their wide open vote calendars. It’s her own fault!

Sadly, No!, 6/23/10

Looch said,

June 23, 2010 at 15:07

Get rid of the party in the back, and that chick almost has herself a mighty fine Rod Blagojevich on her head.

Well, it hides the unibrow nicely.

Unless…

IT’S A UNIBROW COMBOVER!

Sadly, No!, 6/23/10

 Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

June 23, 2010 at 18:50

I miss the days when people like this would stand on the street corners, yelling and handing out tracts.

So that’s why National Review calls it’s blogs “The Corner”.

Sadly, No!, 6/23/10

 Science Talkin’ Guy said,

June 23, 2010 at 23:08

Fucking Bigfoots, how do they work?

Sadly, No!, 6/23/10

DrDick June 23rd, 2010 at 3:56 pm

When libertarians pretend to be compassionate

You know that they are lying, as they are all sociopaths.

TBogg, 6/23/10

 The Tragically Flip said,

June 24, 2010 at 15:23

Oh, the Onion. You’re getting entirely outpaced by the people you’re mocking

I keep waiting for the day when the Onion’s front page just links to something like this Big Government piece and just says “fuck it, we quit. You win, retards.”

Who could blame them? This must feel like the people trying to print the currency in hyperinflation Weimar Germany.

“Jahwol, we’ve started production on the 100,000 mark notes boss.”

“Nein, they’re nearly worthless. Begin printing 1,000,000 notes.”

(phone rings)

“Ok, totally new currency, redesign all the bills and start over at 1, 5, 10 and 100…”

“1000″

“10,000″

“Fuck it, hey this Hitler guy has some neat ideas. Living space and racial purity huh…”

Sadly, No!, 6/24/10

 St. Trotsky, Pope-in-Avignon said,

June 25, 2010 at 15:35

Maybe *you’re* the guy with Tourette’s, and this whole thing about you having boobs has been an elaborate put-on. Also, fuck shit cockwipe blizzard fuck.

Sadly, No!, 6/25/10

 Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

June 27, 2010 at 10:57

First they came for the custard vendors, and I didn’t speak up for I wasn’t a custard vendor.

Next they came for the frozen yogurt vendors, and I didn’t speak up for I wasn’t a frozen yogurt vendor.

Then they came for the ice cream vendors, and I didn’t speak up for I wasn’t an ice cream vendor.

Then they came for the sherbet vendors, and I didn’t speak up for I wasn’t a sherbet vendor.

Now, it’s summer, and it’s fucking hot, and I have no cold, sweet treats to NOM! NOM! NOM!

Sadly, No!, 6/27/10

As always, h/t to all this week’s worthy contestants.

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  1. herr doktor bimler
    June 29, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Harumph. Passed over again. Perhaps I should mention guillotines more often.

    • jennofark
      June 29, 2010 at 11:54 am

      Guillotines are lulz-worthy, but only insofar as they induce faux-hyperventilation in Atrios, who uses mentions of them (by certain persons only) as a reason for banishment, so he doesn’t have to openly reveal that he’s a king-sized douche who goes about looking for reasons for banishing certain persons because they aren’t sufficiently sycophantic to himself and his appointed circle of Kool Kidz. All the while tolerating serial trolls taking daily dumps in the punchbowl.

      Other than that, they aren’t all that funny in and of themselves. But in that context they absolutely bring the lulz.

  2. B^4
    June 29, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Where has Esteev been? I miss the guy!

    OMG! Maybe he’s at the World Cup!

    OMFG! Maybe he’s with Sipp E. Cupp!

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