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Bed bug

"Crunch! Crunch! I was rolling around all night on the thing!"

This one’s for you, Jaffner. The Twentysomething I work with is a bit (!) of a clean freak. Doesn’t tolerate dirt, much less germs, and certainly not bugs.

Saturday, she puts fresh sheets on the bed, but Sunday she sees a dark spot  when she wakes up. On closer inspection, she realizes it’s a great huge Palmetto bug right under where she’s been sleeping. Into the toilet goes the bug, where the Twentysomething takes another look and realizes the thing isn’t quite intact. The photo is from the roach guts on the back of her shirt.

“I was wondering why the dog wasn’t sleeping in the bed with me — the crunching must’ve disturbed her.”

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  1. jennofark
    May 28, 2010 at 8:14 am

    This just proves yet again that there are grosser things than POOP.

    • BDay
      May 28, 2010 at 9:07 am

      Payback is hell. That’ll teach you to post pictures of prehistoric-looking nekkid gun nuts.

      • jennofark
        May 28, 2010 at 12:19 pm

        What’s even worse is, those things keep moving even after they’re crushed. Trust me, on this I am an expert. So it was probably scrabbling its disgusting hairy legs against her in its death-throes.

        I would know this, because I am so preternaturally attuned to the destruction of giant fucking flying roaches that I can even hear one if it is crawling up a wall. I can spot one the second I walk in a room. I’ve even done nighttime “roach patrols” around the outside perimeter on a pretty regular basis, fighting them out there so I don’t have to fight them in here. Because if you live in an older house where not every sill plate, subfloor junction etc. was sealed and caulked during construction, they WILL find a way in. So I have become ever more creative in thinking of ways to thin the ranks of the giant fucking flying roach hordes. I found some stuff a few years ago that they gobble down, then take back to the nest with them…they POOP IT OUT and die, and since baby roaches eat their POOP, it kills them too.

        These are nasty, disgusting, repulsive, POOP-eating, crunchy, hairy-legged, flying grotesqueries. As bad as Mr. Unibrow GunNut is, he can’t fly and he doesn’t look crunchy, so this was beyond the pale as a rebuttal. Oh, yeah, IT IS ON!!! You can look forward to SCORPIONS in the future!

  2. BDay
    May 29, 2010 at 8:23 am

    White flag! no scorpions, please. Let’s end this one now. (And don’t forget I have the ultimate editorial control on this thing.)

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