How to Take a Piece of Metal and Some Plastic, and Turn Them into a Useless Piece of Shit
Horrors of Hallmark, part 3:
The Hallmark is full of little baskets of useless happy-crappy things they call “pocket charms.” A “pocket charm” apparently is for the purpose of throwing into your purse or whatnot where it will never be seen again, because WTF would you do with it even if you found it? I’m pretty good about not showing my true feelings about most of the merchandise in the store, but when it comes to the pocket charms, not so much. I had a customer the other day that was looking at a basket of them by the register – these were made of stamped-metal in the shape of a wing and supposedly represent “angel wings.” Said customer noted that all of the wings were left (that’s something, at least) and we both had a good laugh as I imitated how a one-winged angel would fly…around and around in circles.
If I keep it up, I might manage to get fired from this job, too.
The curious thing about all the various pocket charms in the store is that we always seem to get rid of them, even though we hardly ever sell any of them. Perhaps a better name for them would be “pickpocket charms” or something with a shoplifting-vibe. Actually that would be a fun experiment – make a pocket charm, call it a “klepto angel,” and see how many of them get stolen.
These things I’m sure cost less than a Happy Meal toy to make, and retail for anywhere from $1.99 – $3.99. And yes, some people do occasionally buy them – though it’s even more pitiful that others would be willing to risk arrest to steal them. Imagine the shame of having a shoplifting arrest on your record, because you tried to lift a piece of useless crap that’s worth less than nickel.
Let’s get some perspective, people.
Stealing something like this doesn’t make sense even for a compulsive shoplifter doing it for the thrill of things – because where’s the challenge? Rip off that 5-foot long windchime, motherfucker … then I’ll be impressed.