Back after a long hiatus, to wish you a happy Easter.
Faithful readers of this blog, all 12 of them, may recall the 3 Weird Sisters classic, “Touchdown Jesus” Smited from several years ago, in which a monumental tacky Jesus sculpture erected by an Ohio megachurch was struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
Well, several months ago that church finished their new tacky monumental statue to replace the one that burned, and I have been saving the pictures from then until today just so I could use this headline. Behold the new, and one presumes, fireproof Jesus:
Which of course reminds me of this classic from the lamentably departed Poor Man:
This, however, is my favorite picture of the resurrection of the giant tacky megachurch Jesus statue:
Easter is, I must admit, about the most impenetrable holiday for me. The meaning, for those of us raised in homes that were at most religiously apathetic, extends to bunnies, baskets of goodies, and hunting for hidden eggs; in that context, it’s a holiday you outgrow in adolescence. It becomes even more confusing when you consider the way it moves around on the calendar. Then there’s the whole thing about breaking out the white shoes, buying new outfits, and celebrating by eating ham of all things, which Jesus as a Jew would not have eaten. Maybe the message there is that after he died for our sins and was resurrected, the reward was bacon. Well, as Eddie Izzard says in the clip below, you tell me.
Alternately, because wordpress apparently no longer supports youtube videos, see it here.
Also, because what would a religious holiday be without rightwinger outraged butthurt, the culture wars have erupted all over Fox News and the nutosphere, thanks to Google’s unconscionable recognition of the day as Cesar Chavez’ birthday, 20 years after his death. The offending doodle:
On Michelle Malkin’s Twitchy (or as I call it, Tweaker) conservative alternative to Twitter, it was suggested that Google could have used a more holiday-appropriate theme, such as eggs, which of course reminded me of the Eddie Izzard bit above. As I told one complainant in blog comments elsewhere, who insisted the doodle was a “slap in the face” to Christians and claimed that from here on out, he would be using bing as his search engine…”so, what you’re telling us is that Google, a private company, only recognized your portable religious holiday with a doodle on the date in the past 14 out of 15 years, but because they skipped one year, it’s a slap in the face and you’re going to switch to using an inferior product for conducting web searches as a result? That’s a pretty weak-sauce version of getting thrown to the lions, bro.” Funny how flexible that idea of a “free market” is when the actors in it don’t mindlessly conform to the religious preferences/prejudices of the conservatives who are its most ardent defenders.
Silly me. I should know by now that Easter, like Christmas, is meant to remind us of the untold suffering and oppression the Christian majority in this country has endured as a result of the fact that not everyone believes exactly the same things they do.
Found and shared by my wonderful and talented nephew Trevor, who turned 13 yesterday:
The only thing that would make it better would be if there was also an “after” pic, with the ax.
I hope you find this as funny as I did:
As you probably guessed, I was laughing hysterically all the way through. But just in case it’s not your cup of tea, here’s another birfday offering:
Hope you’re having a happy one! And congratulations on the upcoming graduation of your wonderful son.
It’s long, but stick with it. It gets worse and worse, I promise.
Thanks, Perry. At least the tune doesn’t stick with me like that Worst Music Video EVER.
Sorry, but I’m going video on you. Desperately trying to get Klog’s attention.
I had no idea when I posted the Cthulhu video below that it was a response to this:
But it turns out that others have been having fun with this as well. Here’s an ad for Old Christ:
And here’s one for our friend zrm:
There was also this whole “Old Spice Guy vs Fabio” thing, but I couldn’t be arsed to post all of those. Anyway, I still like the Cthulhu one best.
So here I was, diligently working on a sure-to-amuse-and-offend chart of the similarities and differences between the Rupture and the Zombie Apocalypse, when I stumble upon this while doing my research:
Zombie preparedness is the brainchild, so to speak, of communications staff who noticed that traffic took off when zombies were mentioned during one of its Twitter sessions on Japan and radiation, says Dave Daigle, a CDC spokesperson who led the new campaign.
The CDC in fact does have a history with zombies — at least on TV. Its fictional headquarters were blown to smithereens in an episode of AMC’s “The Walking Dead,” after a group of survivors tried to take refuge.
When the CDC is getting in on the lulz, I know it’s time for me to pack it in.
Just be happy you got in under the wire*, so your birthday song sounds like this….
…rather than this…
*(I refer of course to the pending zombie apocalypse….er…rapture…due to occur this Saturday. Fortunately you get to celebrate your last birthday pre-Hellscape.)
Anyway, I hope you have a happy one, and I’ll leave you with this little remembrance:
Cesspool Hattie lived back in the cesspool
Where the strange green reptiles shit
Mosquitoes and the fever had to eat it, too
And Hattie practically lived off it.
Well the cesspool’s alive with a thousand smells,
And all of them coming up your nose,
Stay off the track of Hattie’s crack,
In the back of the black pantyhose.
Looking back on it, I realize now – we never had a chance of being normal. Thanks for helping out with that, and happy birthday!
LOLcat generator courtesy of roflbot.
I’m not one to go waving flags and cheering in the streets because someone died, but I can’t say I’m sorry that Osama bin Laden no longer walks among the living (and the burial at sea was a great idea, no matter how many conspiracy nuts will claim that the whole thing was faked. Burial at sea means there’s no gravesite to enshrine. We can’t go basing important decisions on what the crazy people will claim, and I’m glad Obama didn’t. Also, too: ocean burial is a prophylactic to Zombie Osama bin Laden. Should Osama be reanimated, his zombie body would be consumed by sharks well before it could ever swim to shore. Regular zombies are bad enough so just imagine how bad a Zombie Osama bin Laden would be. Better safe than sorry, I say.) I do love, however, that they undertook the mission on the anniversary of Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” prance around the deck of an aircraft carrier in a flightsuit. Somehow I don’t think the timing was coincidental.
Just wait, though. I boldly predict that within 2 weeks, wingnuts will be out there pissing and moaning about how Obama “politicized” the mission by targeting that date in order to embarrass Bush; that it was reckless for Obama to “delay” the mission to synch up with the anniversary of Bush’s prance on the aircraft carrier; & etc. Unmentioned in all the criticism will be the fact that Bush failed for 7 years to do the job Obama accomplished in little over 2, largely because it wasn’t important to him, as he illustrated in both words and actions in the 7 years following his “Dead or Alive” pledge delivered for the cameras from his photo-op at Ground Zero. No matter; the wingnutterati will find some way to claim the credit for Bush. Because the thought that a negro is outperforming the sub-normal scion of a wealthy & powerful family that they’ve been worshipping all these years will just make their heads hurt, and that pain will only go away if they think happy thoughts. Who gives a fuck if they’re true?
Swear to god, sometimes I think the only way to interrupt this entirely predictable sequence would be for Obama to just whip out his
huge enormous gargantuan black penis and smack it on the podium while challenging the haters: “Now, show us what you’ve got.”
Happy bday, BDay! Here’s your Queen for the day:
…and even MOAR QUEEN for the day:
…plus just for fun, Cookie the ticklish baby penguin:
HBO is celebrating the special occasion with the season 2 premiere of Treme:
…and because it’s Easter today as well:
…courtesy of The Poorman, who we sure wish would come back to the Five & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.
Anyway, here’s hoping your birthday is a happy one, and that the Easter Bunny poops out a finished kitchen remodel for you.