Home > Uncategorized > Nukular Escalation in the War on Christmas

Nukular Escalation in the War on Christmas

This really isn’t all that bad, but it’s a good segueway into the real horrors:

Here’s another version, by a guy who didn’t forget the words, though we’d all be better off if he had.  It’s worth a listen all the way through, but it really starts to rip at about 1:15 in, hitting more highlights at 2:15, 2:30, and 2:55:

And since that video is so dull, while you’re enjoying the audio, enhance your listening pleasure by gazing upon what is one of the tackiest, worst things I’ve ever seen.  It offends me on grounds of total tastelessness, and I’m not religious, yet it doesn’t seem to bother some folks who are in the pews every time the doors are open:

They sell these at the Hallmark. Really. And people buy them, too, for the low low price of $39.99.
Because nothing exalts our lord and savior like a polyresin casting with an old pervy-looking dude representing a set of values pretty much the opposite of the birthday boy’s, vulturing over the defenseless baby Jesus.  Oh, man, that’s deep.  Maybe the “artist” really was trying to say something about the competing values inherent in a consumerist society that prides itself on piety and what uneasy bedfellows they are.  Maybe this was his way of trying to bring enlightenment to the masses.

Nah.  I’m sure he was just trying to make a fast buck.  ‘Tis the reason for the season, after all.

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  1. December 23, 2010 at 10:17 am | #1

    “Defenseless baby Jesus”? Haven’t you ever read any of the infancy gospels, where child Jesus strikes one of his playmates dead for playing with his Tonka Truck, or the Cherry Tree carol, where the fetus Jesus makes a cherry tree bow down to his mother from inside the womb? Just let Pervy Santa make a false move, and Baby Jesus will fry him without turning a sweat.

  2. Snidely Whiplash
    December 23, 2010 at 8:13 pm | #2

    The third element in Santa-in-the-Manger is the lamb. Here are two interpretations: (1) So many people perished like lambs-to-the-slaughter’ in wars supposedly waged for Baby Jeebus. (2) So many people are led like lambs-to-the-slaughter in the Jolly Old Elf’s consumerist, throwaway society.

    Or maybe Santa’s a beastiality thing going on?

  3. Willy
    December 24, 2010 at 10:00 am | #3

    Poor Mary, newborn Jeebus is huge! That must’ve been one painful delivery.

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